Mike B.

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"First let me just say that poetry isn't really my strongest suit. regardless, you opened well (except I didn't get the world spun thing) with the description and detail. starting with "lips tangled" u did well with the word construction and choice, painting a nice image. then there's the transition to speaking of the fire, nice symbolism there. the themes (I'm assuming) of deception/creating lies and trusting are interesting, and the emotion near the conclusion is great. Personally, I was put off initially by the crassness of the "absence of fucking" line, but upon reading it again it's actually kinda funny and a nice touch to an otherwise beautifully poetic ending"

""Read my palms/ They’re empty."

good god that is a good line.

like borderline genius m'dear.

as a whole- i like the reflectiveness of the piece."

I liked the simplicity of this poem. The tone of the speaker is very blunt and doesn't mince their words. They express their feelings in very few words. However, I think it could use a little more elaboration. As it is, it's a bit too bland. Simplicity is usually good, but you have to have enough to interest the reader."

My Responses

"Now that's just silly. I must say it was very funny, I hope you write more stories and maybe even continue this one.

P.S.

Can I have the recipe for The Chocolate Balls of Death, I wanna assassinate my dog."

"nice piece. I like this poem in a way I can only vaguely express, so here goes. The rhyme scheme's functional, which for a concise piece makes it excellent. the distortion of time early on is a nice touch, "opening three minutes ago." then i find it confusing until the line about the sloth. from there on the emotional apathy works nicely with the repetition of "fine," and the ending of "succumbing to the beast inside." overall good rhyme, word choice, n themes"